Friday, June 27, 2014

Of Broken Relationships

I remember my first love. It was a boy in Primary School. His name- Uwa. Surname starts with A. You will notice I didn't spell out his surname, just in case he stumbles onto this blog!!!

Well, like all 'first loves' go, he was my seatmate. And he was a lot of fun. In those days, we created our own entertainment, with bottle tops, chalk drawings (seuwe); hand and footwork games (10/10). We even played Nouns on paper (person, place, things).

He was pretty cool, because unlike the other boys in the class, he never 'looked for our trouble'. This means he never used to demand for our biscuit, or hit us, despite the fact that he was sitting between two girls. On the contrary, he was the consummate gentleman - doing all the things boys do like playing football, sneaking in elastic bands and throwing those elastic band missiles, tearing his book to make airplanes etc.

But when it came to the ladies, he was pretty respectful. He actually used to protect us.  And I really needed protecting, not because I was naughty and a trouble maker, but because I was extremely reserved when growing up. I know, I know - you do not believe me. But I was a shy child. University changed me - but as usual, that is story for another day.

In any case, with Uwa, we had a great relationship, until he broke my heart. We had finished exams primary 5, said our goodbyes and went on holidays. On returning to school to start Primary 6, I found out that Uwa had abandoned me, and had gone off to secondary school!

I was furious - how dare he leave? Who will be my new seat partner? and who will take care of me now? But most importantly, why didn't he say goodbye?

As I think back to that first heart break, I see that the issue was not Uwa moving on to bigger and better things (literally); but the fact that he didn't say goodbye. And I told myself, I would never want that to happen to me again, and if anyone had to say goodbye in a relationship, it will be me.

And over the space of many years, I did say goodbye. To relationships and friendships that with the benefit of hindsight I should have fought harder to keep.

And over the years as well, I have tried to repair such relationships. Sometimes I get a good response. And we have a good cry (for the women) and a good laugh (for the guys). But sometimes, I am told to sod off. Literally. Which hurts. Because you just have this sense of unfinished business, that leaves a lingering ache in your heart. And you wish you did things differently. 

So here is my two cents worth - if as you navigated through life, you broke someone's heart, or let a friendship or relationship go awry, maybe it is time to do something about it?  I cannot guarantee that you will be 100% successful, but the effort is so worth it. And I hope you do succeed in mending those fences.

I am not sure what I would do if I find Uwa- he may not even remember me - after all, we are talking about something that happened when we were like eight or nine years old!  But if I do find him somehow, I would give him a playful smack on his shoulder, and ask him - "why did you leave me without saying goodbye?"
And then I would share a good laugh with him, and rekindle our friendship.

As a writer put it - the quality of our life can really be measured by the quality of our relationships.

Have a relationship-filled weekend.

PS: Enjoy Recision 2 - Reflection on the Fiction page. As usual, let me know what you think.


  1. This post takes me down memory lane .. I wonder how many hearts I've broken unintentionally cos I remember those that broke mine and I'm certain most if them had no idea how I felt

  2. Wish i read this some months back, i will have said my goodbyes...G


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Cynthia. Cynthia Amaize Cynthia Ovuede. Federal Government Girls College. 1989. We liked FGGC Benin because at least we could make ou...